Before dating apps and the internet, how did single people meet? If not through mutual friends or family, young people sometimes posted personal ads in the newspaper! It worked for Denise Kalm back in 1988. She placed an ad in a local Berkeley newspaper. Would-be dates were asked to write a letter to her; she received 60 responses. Calls followed, then dates. Mike Goldstein was not the first guy she met up with, but, Denise says, “when we met, it was magic.”
Mike was an airline captain and wasn’t home much, but their love flourished. They dated for a long time before getting married and informally tied the knot in Mendocino in 2009. They finally legally married in 2017. They were together for 35 years before Mike passed on Oct. 18, 2023 from glioblastoma.
Denise was born in the Bay Area but moved as an infant to Michigan and then Chicago, IL where she grew up until 6th grade. Her dad got a job in Berkeley, so it was back to California. “For the record, my sister and I dragged our feet all along I-80, hating to leave our home,” Denise recalls. She later attended UC Berkeley, majoring in genetics, then went to the University of Michigan for her master’s in biochemical genetics. Denise adds, “Well it turned out in 1978 there weren’t many jobs in the field of genetics, so I ended up going into IT instead.” She worked for many IT companies and started her own consulting company Kalm Kreative, Inc. She did that for 8 years. In her 50’s she also returned to school to get a certificate in Life Coaching through JFK University, doing coaching while also running her business.
Now retired, Denise still does some coaching. She’s also an ETS/SP sponsor, meaning she helps service members who are exiting the service and transitioning to civilian life.
Denise is close with her sister Debbie. She adds, “My sister is many things to me. She gave and still gives me incredible support after I lost Mike. She is funny, smart, and into so many things. This helps broaden my interests.” Denise has also been inspired by both of her parents. Her mother went to law school when she was in her 50’s and started a family law practice. And her father escaped Germany in 1938 just before Kristalnacht and the opening of Dachau. He went on to get a post-doctorate degree in organic chemistry and lived to be 92 years old.
Her two bunnies are also a big support. Jefferson and Luna were both rescues from Contra Costa Rabbit Rescue. Jefferson is a mini-lop, and Luna, a very shy girl, is a Netherland dwarf rabbit. Lately Jefferson has been eating all of Luna’s food, causing a bit of a conflict, so Denise has had to separate them. Denise has had many rabbits over the years, and CC Rabbit Rescue is always on hand to help adopting families troubleshoot bunny issues.
Denise and Mike were frequent travelers, and after his death she took some trips to see friends and family. She is now planning a trip to Japan. She is a hiker, aiming for 17,000 steps per day! She also attends Jazzercise regularly, is an avid home cook, and is very involved with her grief group. She adds, “As you may know, when you lose someone really special, your life is upended and you change, whether you want to or not. All of my passions seemed to die. I needed a new direction. Writing stayed front and center.” She writes a blog through Substack on political issues, writes for the Contra Costa Taxpayers Association along with other projects. Denise says, “Since losing Mike, I found myself writing poems about loss and, with a friend, we’re going to publish a book of them to help others deal with loss.” Her community of fellow grievers help each other out, do some local travel together, and walk a lot. Denise plans to eventually become a grief counselor, once she is farther down the road in her own journey. With her previous experience in life coaching and working with veterans, it seems an important and logical next step.
By Kara Navolio, Resident since 1991 | Photos provided by Denise Kalm